When an "A" isn't good enough

The new guy is becoming a challenge for me. Here’s my dilemma: he is almost perfect and nearly intolerable. So what’s the matter with me?

He’s at 90%, an A already, better than passing. He has a job, a successful career which is fulfilling for him. He works when he wants. . . because he’s the boss. He actually played golf one day last week instead of going to the office. I’ve heard of men like that and now I’m dating one. Lucky me, right?

He’s tall. What a relief. He’s a parent. We speak the same language. He’s generally conservative so I don’t have to explain myself. Smart, maybe too smart. He seems flexible, not too rigid in his ways. He has a sense of humor.

So what’s the problem? He has very limited enthusiasm, for anything. There’s no energy. The tone in his voice is often one of factual reporting, like traffic or weather. And that vanilla flavored enthusiasm seems to be a physical one too. Six dates and just a kiss good night. A standing still kiss good night? He could be completely asexual for all I know.

I’m high energy. A little neurotic even. I talk with my hands. I bounce in my seat. I knock glasses over and spill drinks. I have an animated face that expresses crazy and dramatic, confused and ecstatic. I’m loud and I hope slightly obnoxious. I like in your face, unfiltered honesty. I like it when people join in my enthusiasm, when my brand of lunacy gives other people permission to loosen up. He stares at me. Not even in disbelief which would register some kind of emotion; he just stares.

It’s like he’s waiting for something. I just can’t tell for what.

So that missing 10% is quite important. And what I’m realizing is that maybe 90% isn’t good enough. If he had the enthusiasm, but no kids, that would be a deal breaker. If he had kids and energy, but a frustrating job – move along. I may be at a point where it has to be 100%. I may just be unwilling, possibly unable, to settle for a simple A. I want the plus.


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