Happy Earth-Fracture-Masturbation Day!

It’s been a big week at my house. My middle child has decided, thanks to the zealousness of our public school curriculum, that he is an environmentalist, and I must hate the earth if I don’t bring my own bags to the grocery. Or use zip-lock baggies for his sliced apples in his lunch. Or don’t rinse and recycle the mayo jar. He is exhausting me.

My youngest son fractured his wrist. I’m always up for a stop at urgent care. Having three young boys, I know everyone by first name. I know the operating hours and locations of urgent cares within a five mile radius. I feel popular and taken care of there. Sam had his first x-ray which was quite exciting for him. And for me, the tech was a really cute guy.

And my oldest son thought it was time to ask me how to masturbate. It wasn’t a serious question although I could tell he was hoping for an answer. I’m afraid I wasn’t too helpful. It’s hard for me to demonstrate or elaborate on a male activity with any precision. I just told him that he would figure it out. Nature would call and give him instructions. But whenever it happened, he shouldn’t be afraid or confused. The body does what it does for a reason. I know some men who ejaculated for the first time and thought they were dying. Like they had some deep infection caused by naughty thoughts which burst forth. I didn’t share that with my son, but I certainly hope he doesn’t feel that way. I want him to think sex is normal and natural even when he’s by himself.

Then he asked if I wanted to know when he started making out with girls. I was like - girls? With an s? Plural? More than one at a time? If he’s thinking about kissing two girls no wonder he wants to know how to masturbate. Suddenly it all makes sense.

And hell no, I don’t want to know.


Sponsored Links

Related Articles

  • article thumbnail
    Safe Sex VS Abstinence
    When we look at safe sex vs abstinence, abstinence has always and will always win. Abstinence is the only one hundred percent effective form of birth control to prevent pregna…
  • article thumbnail
    Safe Sex During Pregnancy
    Couples who are expecting a baby still have the desire for sex and intimacy as they await the arrival of their new bundle of joy. When thinking about safe sex during pregnan…
  • article thumbnail
    Safe Sex Statistics
    The safe sex statistics we are going to look at prove that safe sex is not practiced often enough among adults or teenagers. A few decades ago, teenagers learned about safe se…

Support Groups


For individuals, friends and families who are need to connect during life's challenging times. Share personal experiences, evaluate information and get support in a confidential, caring environment.



The information provided on Contracept.org is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information is solely for informational purposes and does not constitute the practice of medicine. We encourage all visitors to see a licensed physician or nutritionist if they have any concerns regarding health issues related to diet, personal image and any other topics discussed on this site. Neither the owners or employees of Contracept.org nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Please see our Legal Statement for further information.

Sponsored Links

Login or Sign Up