“Kids are great but not for me”

These are not suppose to be words that turn on a single mom when spoken by a guy she’s been flirting with in the parking lot. And yet.

I think a lot about the best kind of man to date. I use to think it was the guy who left life slip by and missed the chance to have kids. He could fill the void in my kids’ lives and vice versa. I didn’t want a guy with small kids; no way I’m blending families. Older kids might be ok, but that likely puts the man in an age bracket where as soon as my little boys are out, the husband would need care giving. Now that I’ve been musing about the divide between parents and non parents, I’m thinking the childless man is really not a good fit either. We are just too different. Maybe there is just no one for me at this point in my life.

So I’m talking to this cute guy in the daycare parking lot who appears to be flirt worthy. Plus, he clearly is checking me out. He is there to pick up his friend’s son.

I tell him my third son is at home - usually three boys is a deal breaker. Instead he fishes: is the dad taking me out on Mother’s Day? Nope, I say perhaps a little too quickly, the dad is out of the picture and out of the state. We smile.

Then I said something like, “I need to set up a play date with your friend’s son. We are really anxious to have Dylan over.” And he asks, “What’s a play date?”

Oh no, this is not a guy for me. Doesn’t know what a play date is? Yet another childless man who doesn’t speak my language. Then Dylan comes over, Steve, the guy, rumples his hair, pinches his nose and tells him to get in the car. It’s “man night” and they are on grill duty. He reaches into the car, buckles up Dylan, head butts him and shuts the door. On the way around the car he says, “Kids are great. But not for me. I never wanted any of my own.” He winked at me, said he hoped to see me again soon.

As he drove away, I thought, “A new category of guy.” He liked kids, he enjoyed Dylan, related well to him. But this wasn’t a guy who would try to be dad-like. He wasn’t going to speak a language not native to him. And he was unapologetic. It was so refreshing. It seems to me a man like that wouldn’t get in my stuff and pretend to be something he’s not. A guy like that could be a friend to my kids, not a pseudo dad. I’m going to have to think about this some more.

Plus, he was really cute.


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